STU'S PICKS: 2011

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Dictionary

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ish................................... ......49

Adventurous.......................Slept with everyone

Athletic................................. .....No t*ts

Average looking.................................. Ugly

Beautiful...........................Patho logical liar

Contagious Smile..................Does a lot of pills

Emotionally secure......................On medication

Feminist................................. ......Fat

Free spirit................................... .Junkie

Friendship first..........................Former sl*t

Fun...................................... ...Annoying

New-Age.................Body hair in the wrong places

Open-minded.............................. ...Desperate

Outgoing........................Loud and Embarrassing

Passionate............................... Sloppy drunk

Professional............................. ......B*tch

Voluptuous............................... ....Very Fat

Large frame................................Huge ly Fat

Wants Soul mate...............................Stalke r

DICTIONARY OF WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No

2. No = Yes

3. Maybe = No

4. We need = I want...

5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry

6. We need to talk = you're in trouble

7. Sure, go ahead = you better not

8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later

9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!

10. You're certainly attentive tonight = is s*x all you ever think

about?

DICTIONARY OF MEN'S ENGLISH:

1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = let's have s*x now

6. I am bored = Do you want to have s*x?

7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have s*x with you

8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have s*x with you

9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have s*x with you

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have s*x with you

11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay.

Confucius say

Confucius say...

Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.

Confucius say...

Passionate kiss, like spider web, lead to undoing of fly.

Confucius say...

Better to be pissed off than pissed on.

Confucius say...

He who walk through airport door sideways going to Bangkok.

Confucius say...

Boy who go to sleep with stiff problem wake up with solution in hand.

Confucius say...

Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day long.

Confucius say...

Couple on 7 day honeymoon make hole weak.

Confucius say...

Girl who sit on jockeys lap get hot tip.

Confucius say...

Girl who sits on Judge's lap gets honorable discharge.

Confucius say....

Lady who go camping must beware of evil intent.

Confucius say...

Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants.

Confucius say...

Squirrel who runs up woman's leg not find nuts

Confucius say...

He who run behind bus get exhausted.

Confucius say:

Man who leap off cliff jump to conclusion.

Confucius say...

Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck.

Confucius say...

He who fishes in others' holes often catches crabs.

Confucius say...

All women look same in dark.